the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
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