the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
