i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
We have so much sex to catch up on
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Randomize
