Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
