not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
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