My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
I'm jealous of your bromance
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
Randomize
