I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize
