It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Randomize
