I accidentally burped into my bong.
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
