I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize
