Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
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