the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Randomize
