but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
