Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
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