it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Randomize
