last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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