yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
