I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
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