Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
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