Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
Randomize
