but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Randomize
