been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Randomize
