I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
