he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
Randomize
