you're like a bully in the Christmas story
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
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