the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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