I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
