You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
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