yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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