Redeem this text for a blowjob
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
