Well douche your snatch and let's go!
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
Randomize
