i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
