I think I died a long time ago.
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
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