You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Randomize
