ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
