we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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