I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
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