Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
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