I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Randomize
