My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
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