i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
