you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
what day is it and did you see me today?
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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