Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
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