The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
Randomize
