I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Randomize
