you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
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