you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
