just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
i want to swaddle you in tequila
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Randomize
