Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Randomize