i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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