there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Randomize
