I am spending my child support on dildos
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
Randomize
