Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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