i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
