Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
