my room smells like sperm. sweet.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Randomize