he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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