I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Randomize
