Taylor Swift is so right about you.
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
