somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
Randomize
