On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
You took a bar mat shot.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
Randomize
