I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
Randomize
