my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Randomize
