addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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