Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
