It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize