i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
