how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
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