I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Randomize
