so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
