Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Randomize
