WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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