He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
Randomize