My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Randomize
