it wasn't lemon gatorade
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Randomize
