i wish peter jackson would direct porn
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
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