WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
