the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
