Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize