I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
