Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
Randomize
