Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
