i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Randomize
