Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
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