Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
