That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
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