Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize