saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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