I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
Randomize
