Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
I just blew my weed a kiss
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
