I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
Randomize
