I heard we made out
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Randomize
