this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
you win again, gameday.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Randomize
