Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
