Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
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